Self Talk

Influencing (changing, re-directing) my self talk has absorbed my attention for the last 8 months.

I don’t think self-talk really became an behavioral health issue for me until late 2018, early 2019. And then, because of general work misery, my self-talk started having a disproportionate impact on my emotional well-being. I found myself constantly arguing with imaginary versions of real people. The inability to shut it off and think about other things led me to use the employee assistance program (EAP) at my work. The EAP offered a limited number of free counseling sessions. It was a scary step, but my internal dialog and general unhappiness was negatively affecting my life so I sought help. During the summer of 2019 I picked up some tips and tricks on re-directing my self-talk to less stressful topics.

2020-2021 covid. The tips and tricks I had been utilizing seemed to work. It helped that I worked from home that year.

But in the summer of 2021 I realized I’d been negilgent in redirecting my self-talk, and my miserable chatter returned. So in July I found another therapist, this one I pay regularly (though I’m fortunate enough to have insurance that covers most of the cost), and started a regular practice of mindfulness meditation.

In retrospect I wish I’d started something like meditation much earlier in life because I’m really appreciating the effect it has on my attitude and general emotional well-being.

There are all sorts of other things I’ve been doing to increase happiness and decrease unhappiness for the past 8 months. Those will come up in future entries. What started it all though was arguing with people in my head all the time and not being able to figure out how to ‘change my mind.’

(100 Days of Blogging: Post 004 of 100)

2 thoughts on “Self Talk

  1. boy-howdy this. This last year, it’s gotten harder and harder to redirect my brain away from those ruts. I have to really take hold of myself and say, “no. we are not talking about that anymore right now.” Otherwise, it wont’ stop. I’m glad you’re finding relief in meditation and therapy.

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