HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ADULT ADHD
JENNIFER L. KNOX
1. Stop the action.
1a. Does that include apologizing?
1b. Because I’m sorry about this poem. I’m so embarrassed.
Please forgive me.
3. Tape pictures of policemen all around the house, especially on the refrigerator.
7. Cheap tops.
49. Cheap tops.
ii. Cheap tops that no fit now, nor ne’er will, Captain!
4. Airline miles, baby [rub hands together greedily]!
8. See the future.
9. To soothe yourself, recite Ghostbusters.
999. Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.
12. I’m sorry again.
1221. [Mechanic lopes in wiping his oily hands on a rag] Welp, I’m pretty sure you had yourself a full-fledged nervous breakdown back there!
13. Stop apologizing.
13a. Right?!? Fuck you! [breaks beer bottle]
13af. [Steven Seagal-style] Make meeeeeeeh.
14-19. Dear reader…wanna make out?
27. Have a sense of humor about your ADHD.
28. Oh, I can hang! [Yell at policemen] HEY, PIGS! CREEP MY FRIDGE MUCH?!?!?!
[maniacal laughter, lightning]
38. Yoo hoo! Mister DeMille! [Lights, sirens, plastic bracelets]
X. I dance [Bugs Bunny imitating Danny Kaye in “Hot Cross Bunny” (1948)]…
xx. …for you, dear reader!
∞. [Hand them the box, they shake it (hint: the bird’s dead)].
Y. See you on the other side, Ray.
Z. I’m trying to tell myself a different story these days.
zz. “You’re fifty-one years late
zzz. but I forgive you.”
(100 Days of Blogging: Post 057 of 100)